


sweet disposition.

by commonemergency



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Dan Howell and Phil Lester - Fandom, Phan, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil, dan howell/phil lester - Fandom
Genre: Boys In Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Love, M/M, Meeting for the first time, but theres a little bit of phils perspective too, learning to love a boy, this is told through dans perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8681671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: The year is October 19th, 2009, Dan and Phil just met in real life and they're learning how to love each other. A tiny fic of Dan and Phil's first night together, holding each other for the first time and what that means to them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> it's super late and i started writing this at 3:00am after watching numerous 2009 videos and theories. enjoy. it's just pure fluff.

Dan has slept with a boy before. But he’s never _slept_ with a boy before. Not like this. Not in this way. Where there’s hushed voices, gentle touches, a thumb grazing his skin and goosebumps forming his forearms. The sound of quiet laughter and breath against his neck and collarbone. This is new territory for Dan, because he’s slept with plenty of boys before, though it was after a drunken night and not remembering what happened the next day as he searches for articles of clothing that they all decided to peel off during the night. In comparison, this moment, right now, right here, it’s soft, and it’s _delicate._

Dan thinks that, this moment, is scary. It’s scary in the way that he’s never been held before. To put it more clearly, he’s never been held by a boy before. It’s scary because he doesn’t know if he’s doing this right, if his legs should be angled like they were, if he should place his hands on top of Phil’s like he sees in the movies, like he’s done with his ex lovers, he doesn’t know if he smells okay, or if Phil is comfortable because they hadn’t talked in a couple of minutes, because they’re both listening to the sound of light rain tapping against the window. Is he doing this right? 

The thing was, there was nothing that he could really go off of. There were no movies that he’s seen or books he’s read that could help him when it comes to: Learning To Love A Boy. He had to figure this out himself, and he supposes that step one would placing his hands on top of Phil’s, letting his own thumb caress the top of his, allowing Phil’s cold feet on Dan’s warm body, a few minutes ago Phil swore that Dan was a space heater. He supposes that the way to Love A Boy was relaxing his shoulders, not flinching when Phil’s lips press against his shoulder for a quick moment, but Phil is just as timid as Dan, and it’s late. It’s so late and so quiet in this house they’re afraid if they talk any louder the moment will be gone, whatever tiny bubble they’re in will be shattered. 

“Your breathing is tickling my ear, Phil,” Dan finally speaks up, his voice cracks because he’s nervous. It’s a small moment that reminded Dan that he was just eighteen and just starting to learn these new things and new feelings. He was becoming a new person, changing every day, because he met Phil, and he met him when he was lonely and unsure of what to do with his life. He knows that when he goes home in a couple of days he’ll have to sort it out, but for now, he enjoys Phil laughing in his ear, feeling Phil’s forehead against his back. 

They both were too self-conscious taking their shirts off, though they both have seen each other’s chests before. Dan has a birthmark that Phil thinks is cute but Dan hates, Phil wishes that he was more toned but Dan thinks he looks just fine. It was odd, giving those compliments out for Dan, because he always internalised them, at least he did more so when he was a kid. He knew that he was a bit different, thinking that boys were cute, but because he never heard any other boys thinking so he had kept it to himself and decided that it wasn’t worth the embarrassment, but there was nothing embarrassing about learning to love Phil. Because it was new, and it was complicated, but it was beautiful. 

“Sorry,” Phil says back though they both know that he’s really not, because if there were ways that Phil could make Dan laugh or keep him talking to him then he would do it, because if there was something that Phil loved it was the sound of Dan’s laugh even if it was a bit muffled and quiet. 

Dan wants to tell Phil what he’s thinking, but he doesn’t want to at the same time in fear that Phil wouldn’t really care or maybe get weirded out, because a guy like Dan could really love someone like Phil. Because in this moment, lying in his bed with him, surrounded by Phil’s stuffed animals that he’s had as a child, looking at the posters on his wall that meant something to him, the pictures hanging around of people Phil knew and was close to, clothes that he bought years ago that fit him today, and the warmth that he felt from Phil was enough for him. And he wanted to tell Phil that he was his warmth; not in the temperature way. Phil’s warmth felt like home, from the first time they hugged, to the smile that seemed to be aimed just for him, to the laugh that seemed like it was reserved just for him, and maybe he was feeling everything way too much and way too fast, but he was warmth. It was like winter had been dragged too long but then Phil was like spring, offering a fresh start filled with promise. 

“What are you thinking?” Phil asks, his breath is warm against Dan and he welcomes it, his hands still on top of his, his gives them a gentle squeeze. 

Dan wants to tell him all these small intimate thoughts inside of his head, that he’s glad that he got the courage to come down here despite the universe being against them and their journey to love each other. He also wants to tell him his fears, his expectations, how he wants to do this more often, how he wants to take naps with him, and lay next to him while they’re on their laptops, he wants the trivial things and it’s crazy how much he’s thought of this moment and now that it’s happening but all Dan could say, is this: 

“I’m thinking of how warm you are,” it’s a simple statement, but he smiles, he wishes Phil could see it. 

It’s getting late, and he’ll have to think more of this another time. Right now, he’s excited to sleep, and he’s excited to wake up and Phil still being there, and he’s excited for their future and where it will lead them, he hopes its far. Because someone like Phil is good for someone like Dan, because Phil felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> basically what i hoped to come across in this fic is that there are not enough movies and books for the lgbt. this little one-shot was inspired by watching dan and phil vids, but also my own experience of loving my first girlfriend, during the time there wasn't enough things for me to read or base off of other than sad shows where the gay character was killed off or used for a plot device. thankfully, it's changing. i hope you enjoyed this. i thought it was sweet. 
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> also if you haven't already, follow me on tumblr and twitter! **@hxwltrs** for both (: i'm v nice i promise.


End file.
